Dear 2009,

Due to irreconcilable differences, I regret to inform you that I'm leaving you...for 2010. I'll always remember the times we shared, and all of the history we made together. With me, I'll take the memories, both bad & worse...I mean...good and bad. You really challenged me in ways I never thought possible, so thank you. It's been real, but please don't try to contact me again. We both deserve a clean break.

Sincerely,
KD

The Antlers - Kettering

Akureyri, 3am.

I took this in Akureyri, Iceland around 3am in the middle of July, and I keep coming back to it. Out of about 500 photos of one of the most beautiful countries I've ever been to, this was my personal favorite. Rusted "junk" upstaging the mountains. This solidified my realization that no matter where I'm taking pictures, I'm consistently drawn to industrial scenes, decay, neglect, etc...even when I'm surrounded by wild, untouched nature. I think it's because urban decay presents more of a challenge. Mountains and oceans are there practically posing for the camera...so consistently photogenic. Then there are the victims of urban decay, hiding from the camera and looking sad, unloved, and mysterious.

There's something fascinating to me about how people treat property, or sometimes don't treat it at all. I picture those rusty old items, or decaying buildings as they were when they were new and wonder how long it took before they failed, fell apart, or were neglected. I like that when you look closely at manmade things, you can see the layers, just as you see layers in rock, or wood in nature. Everything is significant, and of couse there's a constant struggle for power. Nature destroys our things, we destroy nature; But if we can somehow forgive destruction, there's often beauty in it.

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Water Damage Series

Left Out

"A Dream Within A Dream" - Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

-good night...

You could have me if you wanted me. You know that I want you, therefore you don't want me. However, if I were to find out you wanted me before realizing or admitting I wanted you would completely negate my ever even considering us.

Shameless Self-Promotion

One of my Monterey Bay Aquarium photos was selected for this site! It's super tiny, but check it out anyway!

http://www.schmap.com/?m=iphone#uid=montereycarmel&sid=sights_zoos&p=19848&i=19848_274

Sunday, Post Four Cups of Coffee.

The Urban Serengeti

I realize that even in the city we are constantly surrounded by nature, but in the ugliest, most ghetto sense of the word. My building backs up to what is now an empty lot that has become completely overgrown with weeds, turning it into what I refer to as the the Urban Serengeti. It has become a stage for the nightly activities of our local wildlife, and I have a front row seat. When they first razed the crumbling, condemned building back there, I was overjoyed. That is until I realized that all of the creatures living in or underneath it were now scattering to the surrounding buildings as fast as bugs running from an upturned rock. Whichever creatures didn't run are now enjoying themselves back there.

Last night I really got my money's worth. I was woken up around 3:30am by the sounds of local felines having their way with one another. I learned how to recognize this sound from a few nights spent in Seville, a city where one can go to sleep pretty much anywhere and be serenaded all night long by an out of tune wailing chorus of cat fuckery. If you've never experienced the joy, the sound is similar to a small child crying very loudly...but if they were possessed by Satan. I heard it's because male cat penises are spiked. In addition to the cats outside, I have my two cats inside, and most recently a new colony of mice living in the walls. I can't help but start to feel a little nuts after a few nights of being woken up by all of these things at the same time. Topping off the sounds of the Ghetto National Geographic Special is an encore of old gas radiators that fill my tiny apartment with the sounds of a thousand snakes hissing. If I could have recorded last night's orchestral offerings, it would be priceless.

I figured it would be good to have cats in here to kill mice, as some of my friends do. Alas, mine are just sheltered beyond the point of uselessness and either run the other way or stare blankly at the wall where the noise is coming from. I've never seen them actually kill anything living, which I justify as their choosing to be pacifists. This warms my cockles a bit, though the truth is that they just suck at being cats. It's not their fault though. We're all just products of our environment. My cats wouldn't survive a day outside, just as I wouldn't survive in the real Serengheti. Sometimes I don't even know if I can survive in the urban one. It's scary out there, and once in awhile I'll wake up and hide halfway under the covers, timidly peering out the window convincing myself to get the hell up already. We have our own versions of wild animals...the crazy person defecating on the D train, or just right on 14th street (I don't make this stuff up), the drunk boys heckling my friend and I at the bar last night, or gutter punks asking for money, though they typically ask very politely. They just sometimes resemble wild animals when they travel in packs.

Hopefully, tonight will be quieter. I need a good sleep as tomorrow will be spent attending jury duty bright and early. I was told to just answer their questions honestly, but if I tell them that I'm too tired because the cats were having sex they might deem me to be a bit of a nutter. It's not my fault though...we're all just products of our environment.

A Brief Commentary on Religion.

"He was just some Joseph looking for a manger."
-Leonard Cohen

A Brief Commentary on Caution.

Hump Day

Disappearing Act

Good Luck NYC Marathoners!

Rain can be a justified time-out, and today is a continuation of a mood that began around 1am this morning. It was the kind of night that left me before I was ready to leave it. I got home, put on some Leonard Cohen, mixed a gin & tonic, rolled a cigarette, and sat in dim light that reflected perfectly against my tin ceiling. Something about the swirl of the smoke paired with the soft sound of rain behind Leonard's voice made me forget about my now watered-down cocktail.

There's no such thing as "bad weather" if it's all relative to your mood. As a friend of mine likes to remind me, most of the great writers came from the darkest and coldest parts of the world, which makes complete sense to me. Rain works for some, sunshine works for others. So I'm sitting here smiling today because it's a lovely pale shade of gray outside, and the rain is gently pounding against the metal awning below my front windows. The muted tones make the bright fall red and gold tree-tops pop, like isolated color in an otherwise black & white photo.

Work, So You Can Play.

eh...?

And that's pronounced, 'thu-owst mig'...but correctly stated is pronounced, 'thu elska mig'. Just in case anyone feels like mixing things up a bit and speaking words of Icelandic love. Go impress your friends and lovers, kids.

Well, it's...wait...what day is it?

Some mornings I wake up and lay in bed going through a barrage of questions and answers in my head before I get up. What happened last night? Drinks. What do I have to do today? Nothing, er...find a job. What month is it? October...which then leads me to what date it is...almost the 15th. That leads to noting when various bills are due to be paid, which leads to wondering how much money I have in my accounts, which brings me back to what I have to do today...find job. How old am I? 27. Damn. Twenty seven sometimes seems like the equivalent of 3:00pm...too early and also too late to begin anything.

So then...What day is it? It's Tuesday. When you're unemployed you actually want it to stay early on in the week so you feel like you still have time to accomplish something. Tuesday is suddenly better than Thursday because perhaps on Wednesday whatever you began to attempt to accomplish on Monday might produce results. TGIF suddenly stands for Thank God I File (again...on Monday)! Funny how that happens.

The Good Fight.

-National Equality March, 10/11/09

Thanks Maxi.

It's Never Just An Oil Change.

I awoke this morning to the sound of a car horn. This is not at all shocking, but it did remind me that I had left my car at the mechanic in NJ the previous day. How did I go in for a $30 oil change and come out with an estimate for $1,000 worth of work? They had not called me during the day so I just figured no news was good news. Alas, Willie pulled me aside when I went in and explained the mile long list of front end work my car needed. He had one of those wandering eyes too, which caused me to furrow my brow and look at him harder as if what he was saying was more unbelievable than it should be. He also sensed my being overwhelmed and said half laughing, "You could gettuh bicycle." I trusted him though. It's an old car, but even so, me being me just asked him how dangerous it would be if I just kept driving the car anyway. Apparently my front tires could fly off while I'm driving down the highway. So I went back to my parent's house and put my head between my legs and said to just ditch the car. That's half of what the thing is probably worth. My parents are saints though and insisted on just having the work done and paying for it. I told them I'd work out a payment plan with them. They just rolled their eyes and said we'd discuss it later, but to not worry about it now.

I suppose I am just constantly reminded, especially by my parents that we always have to be aware of what's truly important. Safety, health, our relationships with one another....I know I'm getting sappy, but it's true. We can't let petty things get in the way of the bigger picture. There are always going to be people worse off than yourself. People with way more on their plate and little means to deal with it. Without even a second thought, my mother drove me all the way back to Brooklyn after her long day of work. We got off at my exit and came to a traffic light where I recognized this disheveled looking guy who comes around asking for money. I've never given him anything. My mother pulled out a dollar and gave it to him. I told her about how I often see him and don't give him anything. She just shrugged and said, "Well it's no burden to me to give it to him if I have it." And so once again, I have been surprised by someone I think I know and can predict so well. Perhaps next time I won't be so quick to roll up my window.

Beware..The City is a Rigged Casino.

Collecting Unemployment Is Kinda Like...

drinking good red wine from a plastic cup. The wine tastes fine, so chin up, I say, 'cause at the end of the day the buzz is the same...

A Brief Commentary On Life.

A Brief Commentary On Love.

I Am Unique, Just Like Everybody Else.

As a self-proclaimed introvert, I think about 'hiding' quite often. Is it even possible to hide or keep to yourself anymore? The other night I sat on my stoop smoking a cigarette and the next morning I noticed someone had dropped a postcard through my mail slot addressed to, "the person in the first floor apartment." It advertised a local smoke shop. I laughed because..well..who does that these days? Furthermore, who goes to smoke shops? I also pictured someone creeping along outside, stalking stoop-sitters. Anyways, real or virtual...we've got an eye on one another.

I want to know if we can still be mysterious and surprising in what has generally become a predictable world. There are so many postings, questions, comments, texts, chats, status updates, reality shows, and on and on and on....but do we really understand one another any more because of it? Are we even trying to understand? Sometimes I think the only way we can is through photos. They can say too much and too little at the same time. Even though I find myself too attached to the phone and the computer, sometimes still...it's just easier to shut my mouth and shoot my words. And so here it goes...