Good Luck NYC Marathoners!

Rain can be a justified time-out, and today is a continuation of a mood that began around 1am this morning. It was the kind of night that left me before I was ready to leave it. I got home, put on some Leonard Cohen, mixed a gin & tonic, rolled a cigarette, and sat in dim light that reflected perfectly against my tin ceiling. Something about the swirl of the smoke paired with the soft sound of rain behind Leonard's voice made me forget about my now watered-down cocktail.

There's no such thing as "bad weather" if it's all relative to your mood. As a friend of mine likes to remind me, most of the great writers came from the darkest and coldest parts of the world, which makes complete sense to me. Rain works for some, sunshine works for others. So I'm sitting here smiling today because it's a lovely pale shade of gray outside, and the rain is gently pounding against the metal awning below my front windows. The muted tones make the bright fall red and gold tree-tops pop, like isolated color in an otherwise black & white photo.

Work, So You Can Play.

eh...?

And that's pronounced, 'thu-owst mig'...but correctly stated is pronounced, 'thu elska mig'. Just in case anyone feels like mixing things up a bit and speaking words of Icelandic love. Go impress your friends and lovers, kids.

Well, it's...wait...what day is it?

Some mornings I wake up and lay in bed going through a barrage of questions and answers in my head before I get up. What happened last night? Drinks. What do I have to do today? Nothing, er...find a job. What month is it? October...which then leads me to what date it is...almost the 15th. That leads to noting when various bills are due to be paid, which leads to wondering how much money I have in my accounts, which brings me back to what I have to do today...find job. How old am I? 27. Damn. Twenty seven sometimes seems like the equivalent of 3:00pm...too early and also too late to begin anything.

So then...What day is it? It's Tuesday. When you're unemployed you actually want it to stay early on in the week so you feel like you still have time to accomplish something. Tuesday is suddenly better than Thursday because perhaps on Wednesday whatever you began to attempt to accomplish on Monday might produce results. TGIF suddenly stands for Thank God I File (again...on Monday)! Funny how that happens.

The Good Fight.

-National Equality March, 10/11/09

Thanks Maxi.

It's Never Just An Oil Change.

I awoke this morning to the sound of a car horn. This is not at all shocking, but it did remind me that I had left my car at the mechanic in NJ the previous day. How did I go in for a $30 oil change and come out with an estimate for $1,000 worth of work? They had not called me during the day so I just figured no news was good news. Alas, Willie pulled me aside when I went in and explained the mile long list of front end work my car needed. He had one of those wandering eyes too, which caused me to furrow my brow and look at him harder as if what he was saying was more unbelievable than it should be. He also sensed my being overwhelmed and said half laughing, "You could gettuh bicycle." I trusted him though. It's an old car, but even so, me being me just asked him how dangerous it would be if I just kept driving the car anyway. Apparently my front tires could fly off while I'm driving down the highway. So I went back to my parent's house and put my head between my legs and said to just ditch the car. That's half of what the thing is probably worth. My parents are saints though and insisted on just having the work done and paying for it. I told them I'd work out a payment plan with them. They just rolled their eyes and said we'd discuss it later, but to not worry about it now.

I suppose I am just constantly reminded, especially by my parents that we always have to be aware of what's truly important. Safety, health, our relationships with one another....I know I'm getting sappy, but it's true. We can't let petty things get in the way of the bigger picture. There are always going to be people worse off than yourself. People with way more on their plate and little means to deal with it. Without even a second thought, my mother drove me all the way back to Brooklyn after her long day of work. We got off at my exit and came to a traffic light where I recognized this disheveled looking guy who comes around asking for money. I've never given him anything. My mother pulled out a dollar and gave it to him. I told her about how I often see him and don't give him anything. She just shrugged and said, "Well it's no burden to me to give it to him if I have it." And so once again, I have been surprised by someone I think I know and can predict so well. Perhaps next time I won't be so quick to roll up my window.

Beware..The City is a Rigged Casino.

Collecting Unemployment Is Kinda Like...

drinking good red wine from a plastic cup. The wine tastes fine, so chin up, I say, 'cause at the end of the day the buzz is the same...

A Brief Commentary On Life.

A Brief Commentary On Love.

I Am Unique, Just Like Everybody Else.

As a self-proclaimed introvert, I think about 'hiding' quite often. Is it even possible to hide or keep to yourself anymore? The other night I sat on my stoop smoking a cigarette and the next morning I noticed someone had dropped a postcard through my mail slot addressed to, "the person in the first floor apartment." It advertised a local smoke shop. I laughed because..well..who does that these days? Furthermore, who goes to smoke shops? I also pictured someone creeping along outside, stalking stoop-sitters. Anyways, real or virtual...we've got an eye on one another.

I want to know if we can still be mysterious and surprising in what has generally become a predictable world. There are so many postings, questions, comments, texts, chats, status updates, reality shows, and on and on and on....but do we really understand one another any more because of it? Are we even trying to understand? Sometimes I think the only way we can is through photos. They can say too much and too little at the same time. Even though I find myself too attached to the phone and the computer, sometimes still...it's just easier to shut my mouth and shoot my words. And so here it goes...